Month 4: Ups and Downs

 One month into 2025! Welcome back.

As the summer sun tries its best to melt everything and everyone down here - Paraguay was just deemed the hottest point on the planet at the World Day of Action against Global Warming, so I assure you I'm not exaggerating - I'm slowly starting to build up my sense of community and integrate more and more.

My favorite part of my day is wandering around the neighborhoods and introducing myself to people. To my host family's delight, I usually come home with armfuls of fresh fruit, eggs, beans, and whatever else my new friends have a surplus of and are happy to share. The other day, as I was sitting in the school waiting for my class to start, one of the workers doing construction on the roof came in with two beautiful ripe papayas ("mamon" down here). The Paraguayan people never cease to amaze me with their generosity and kindness.

My English classes have been going well; I teach about four weekly classes, which keeps me busy. My last week of classes will be next week, as school is about to start, and I will transition from teaching English to focusing more on Environmental Conservation. The kids have already asked me to keep teaching during the year, so I might have to make a weekend English club or something to keep it going. 

Susana's English Notebook

I also have been keeping up my Guaraní lessons with the Peace Corps! Although it's a much more complex language for me to learn, it's slowly coming along. Plus, I get community brownie points every time I say "che ajerokyse" (I want to dance) at a birthday party.

The other weekend, I had the chance to meet up with some other volunteers from nearby for a girl's brunch. We had a wonderful day eating and wandering around the city of Caacupe. 

From left to right: Me, Kate, Liv, Isabel, and Nadeen

I also got to go to a proper "fiesta" with my host mom. We went to a cumbia festival, with many different groups performing and DJ sets between each group - sometimes accompanied by fireworks. We arrived at approximately 11 pm and left the following morning at… 7 am. 

I have never danced more than I did that night.

I also have never been quite that exhausted. Did I mention we left early? The festival itself didn't end until around 10 am.

The time at which I found out it is possible to fall
 asleep standing up with speakers blasting Cumbia music

It was such a fun night, one that is quite common. My host mom has already invited me to another one, to which my answer is, of course, a resounding yes!

I'm going to pause here to elaborate a bit about my host family situation. It's a little unorthodox, even by Peace Corps standards. I just have a host mom - Leticia. She's 32, unmarried, and has no kids. She's a fantastic cook, has a wonderful sense of humor and a sparkling personality, and is my best friend in this community.

"But wait!" You say, "We've heard you talk about your host sisters in previous posts. How can you have host sisters if your host mom doesn't have kids?"

My host mom is a saint, that's how. "Manety" as she's known by her kids - a mix between "madrina" (godmother" and "Lety" (her family nickname) - has taken in several of her godchildren, whose parents are either estranged, don't have space for the kids, or no longer living. Although some have come and gone since I've been living with them, my two primary host siblings are Susana "Susi" (age 10), José "Nacho" (age 27), and Alvaro (age 18). Although she's not the blood mother of any of these kids, she cares for them unconditionally, calling them her sons and daughters as if they were her own. She is also currently taking care of her older mother, who unfortunately has been suffering from some health issues recently and has also been living at our house, where Manety has been her primary caregiver. 

From left to right: Lety, me, Susana, and Lety's friend Rosa

While I am beyond thrilled with my site, my family, and my newfound sense of community, Peace Corps service is not without some challenges.

For starters, I identify as a woman. While there are differences in gender roles pretty much anywhere in the world, they are more prominent down here than in the States. While my fellow male volunteers came back to training from their site visits in November boasting about soccer games they attended, friends they made, and outings they got invited to, their experiences were almost the polar opposite of my own and the other female volunteers. We were kept more in the house, only venturing out with the family, and cautioned against going out alone, even to community events. While my male counterparts get yelled at if they try to wash a dish, do their laundry, or help around the house in any way, after a while, it was almost expected for me to help with chores along with the other girls in the household, while the men lounge after meals. In both the male and the female experience down here, we are simply being treated as part of the family. However, the expectations for us based on our gender are very different. While I've been fortunate enough to have a hip, cool mom who understands my job involves me venturing out solo and making connections on my own, many of my fellow volunteers have faced more substantial pushback - especially from host fathers - when they mention going out unaccompanied into the community.

 

If I'm traveling alone in public, I am often approached by interested men or cautioned against having jewelry on and sitting by the window on the bus. Thankfully, I have not had any scary or unsafe encounters during my travels. Still, I've been subject to a few uncomfortable safety lectures by strangers trying to be helpful. Being single at my age (I'm 22, mind you) in this culture is also unusual, and I'm often asked if I have a boyfriend, husband, or kids back home. When I mention that I'm single, I'm often asked if I'm looking for a Paraguayan husband, with many older women that I've befriended in my community all too eager to offer their sons as suggestions. 

And don't even get me started on the reactions I get when I tell people I'm going to live alone as a woman. It's strange here for people to live alone in general; regardless of gender, individuals usually live with their family until they're married, but people think it's even more bizarre because I'm a woman. Again, I have yet to feel unsafe in any situation, but it is evident that the reception and willingness to work with me that I am getting is far different for me than for male volunteers in the same position.

Another challenging thing about living here has been the "just say yes" culture. Adapting to a new community has been hard enough, especially when I constantly feel like I'm putting myself outside of my comfort zone to meet people and integrate. One of the main frustrations I've faced here is people's unhesitating willingness to say yes and commit to plans just not to show up. I've found that people down here are unwilling to say "no" to your face and risk upsetting you, so instead, they'll fully agree and then bail. It happened while trying to make friends here. I finally found a few girls my age, and they agreed to hang out on Saturday! That was 3 weeks ago, and I haven't heard from them since. Or my English classes, where I'll text my older students to confirm that we have a class that afternoon, just for them not to show up. 

In both of these cases, there is no malicious intent behind any of these actions; it is simply another adjustment I need to make from the culture back home.

These frustrations pale in comparison, of course, to the simple feeling of homesickness.

I'm not someone who usually gets homesick - Mom, Dad, and Veronica, that's not to say I don't miss you, but I can't necessarily say I'd swap Paraguay for Rhode Island just yet - but being so far away for so long takes its toll. For weeks, I'll feel fine, journaling and talking on the phone being enough to stave off the ache. Then I'll be doing Susana's makeup for a birthday dinner and be thrown back to doing the same for my little cousins, as it hits me that I won't be able to do so again for another 2 years. Or my host mom will ask me if I miss my family and dog, and suddenly, I'm back home in the living room with all of them watching a movie. I'm about to hit 4 months in the country. 4 out 27 months outside the US. It's unbelievable to think about, and although I still wake up every morning excited for the day and looking forward to working in my community, a part of me misses everyone back home, family and friends alike.

To end on a bit of a happier note, we'll look ahead to what's coming down the road:

I found a house!! In just under 2 weeks, I'll be moving out independently. I found a beautiful home to rent, complete with a gorgeous back patio where I intend on making a little vegetable garden. I've already promised my host mom that I'll visit a lot and that we will still have our girls' nights where we paint each other nails and play Uno until far too late in the evening. Although it'll be yet another transition to the routine I've built here, I'm very excited to have my own space and be able to cook for myself, especially now that - thanks to Lety - I have a couple Paraguayan staples under my belt.

School is starting soon! The first day of classes is February 24th, and I've already begun lesson planning for everything I want to teach the kids this year. I can't wait to get to know the teachers and hopefully find one or two to work with me on waste management projects, biodiversity identification, making a school garden, or any of the other million over-ambitious ideas I have for working with the school. I honestly cannot wait.

That's all I've got for right now… check back next month for more!

Jajotopata! Nos vemos pronto! See you soon!